Love Letter

“It’s an honest thing, and honest things last…” – Josh
Rouse.
 Being here in this place where love for one another
is so uninhibited has incited this need for me to
express how much all my friends mean to me and what
I’ve learned from the people and things in my life.
This is an excerpt from my journal that explores this
particular train of thought.  So, I hope you all read
this “love letter” to places and people life, so to
speak, and it makes you happy.
 
 “I think this trip has been good for me in terms of
my family issues.  I’m still independent, but now I
feel comfortable trusting them with my life, which is
huge for me.  I actually want to be connected with
them, and close to them…like friends. 
 
 My trip to South America taught me how to trust the
way of things, and not to worry about anything because
everything works itself out in the end.  I also
discovered there that I don’t need anyone, and that I
am perfectly capable of doing anything that my mind
can dream up on my own accord.  In my hardships here
and in Oakland, I forgot to trust the way of things,
but going through so much lately has thankfully
brought that back to me.  And even though I still
don’t believe that I need anyone including my family,
I’ve learned that I do in fact love them, and am
infinitely better off with them than without them.  I
have to remember not to forget that.
 
 I’ve been thinking about what I’ve learned from
people and places in my life.  My first and only
ex-boyfriend Dave taught me to appreciate the
subtleties in people, and that those who do, ought to
be appreciated for their own subtleties.  My lovers in
Boston all showed me the beauty of living an artful
life…that everything you do can be a piece of art and
can be beautiful in some way.  Josh the artist: he is
the only person I’ve ever met who actually lives for
his art, it’s a wonderful dedication that only few can
achieve.  Damian the writer: everything that happened
between us was brilliant.  Because of him, I now know
how to be beautifully used and let go.  I still can’t
find a moment between us that wasn’t completely
mystical and art inspiring…and the way he spoke put a
spell on me.  And then there’s Chris: his whole
persona was just artful, from the way he only listened
to cassette tapes that he mixed himself to his
fabulously messy room which was perpetually scattered
with crayons (of all things) and his walls adorned
with his colorful little drawings and stacks of old
history books.  I will always think of sharing
cigarettes and kisses in bed while listening to Bob
Dylan cassettes in the morning with him as the epitome
of romance.  My dear friend Alex, I wouldn’t be who I
am today without her.  She embodies adventure and
freedom to me; she showed me why I have to be fearless
and I am reminded of this every time I see her.  Malia
exemplifies charming silliness and humility at the
same time, she’s an amazing enigma.  Easy spontaneity
was gifted to me from her, and I know with Malia to
always expect the unexpected, a wonderful
characteristic to have.  Katie, she taught me how to
feel magic.  I swear that’s the only way I can put it,
and it’s beautiful.  She taught me how to feel
uninhibitedly and to love candidly and that things are
just things: you can be generous with then and also
let them go.  When I think of Ceece I think of the
resilience and strength of friendship and the power of
kindredness.  We always knew each other, and
understood each other, without even having to say
anything.  She taught me how to really trust
friendship and that amazing things can come from
places that you don’t expect them to.  I think that
out of anyone, she has taught me forgiveness the most,
and not to take your friends for granted and I am so
thankful for that.  If I wouldn’t be who I am today
without Alex, I can easily say the same thing for my
friend Sophia, who taught me so much about how to deal
with life I don’t even think she knows how much she
has affected me.  Any sense of rationality and
pragmatism that I possess can be attributed to her.
She taught me that whatever I do, I need to make
myself happy, which is such an important thing to
remember.”
 
 To all of my new friends that I have made I Oakland,
I feel like I’m still in the midst of getting to know
you/learning things from each one of you.  As of now,
I know that I was meant to meet my soulmates Brian and
Josh.  I have learned so much from you guys already
and I know that I’m going to learn so much more as our
friendship grows.  For anyone else that I haven’t
mentioned in this blog/journal entry, you are all in
my thoughts and I’m totally grateful to have known and
met all you amazing people.  I can’t wait to see you
guys when I come back.