Lucia y el Sexo

She waited and waited for a bump in the cycle, a wrench, so to speak... always the same let downs, still sweet let downs, but let downs all the same.  You know, the kind that are difficult to forget and easy to forgive.  Those ones that sneak up on you every so often because they never went away in the first place.  The interminable kind that keep on repeating and entertwining with one another...but I suppose it's the same for everyone around.  But now...I wonder if she can´t take it anymore. It appears as if it's starting to drown her, it gets to be too emotional at times.

"What can I do?"...a goad.  "do I stay to see the end, or do I start a new beginning again?" ...a pause. "and why is the water in life always so bloody murky?" A copout. "who am I to make the decision anyway?" And what is that? It can't be!  Is she really relinquishing agency again?!  "I can´t be this person anymore. " The stoke finally falls.  "Please, make me strong again. Take me somewhere else where I can pretend to be new and strong...like...impervious"  but that only lasts for so long, because time wears everything, even steel. 

There was the day she decided to go, actually is was more like a minute. And there she was two days later, in bed, with him. She knew she had had to see the story unfold for herself. Little did she know how her curiosity would change it. He always wanted to "wait and see what happens..." It´s a way of not committing...but then again, who can blame that? Maybe there was no heart in her choice. Maybe there was only desire, and he was banking on the latter. He wasn't up to breaking anyone's heart this time around.  She was banking on fate, so that he wouldn't have to. So she went, and it made everything different. It made him turn into himself, and it made her desire even stronger. But now the desire possessed its own life, it controlled her.

He always talked about going to the sea, and now she was almost scared to go, for it had taken on a new meaning after "Lucia y el Sexo," and it became a behemoth. There was nothing she could express to him to explain her reluctance. It was still so new, the spark between them, but she knew how it would turn out, and it would most likely be bad... But there is always hope isn´t there? And she had only just gotten there. But it was already so intense, yet so detached at the same time, like she could simply walk away at any minute from the controlled chaos that was levitating around her. And she knew there was nothing that she could say to him and nothing she could do to change his mind, to pull him out of himself again. And all the while she was thinking this, he was still stuck in his own little inner monologue. And it was the perfect match.

Fleet Foxes in Fresno

Fresno is drinking a cup of white zin in those pastel plastic lawn chairs on your cemented square of a backyard in the sun. It is minivans moseying down the residential streets, which could probably fit at least four cars side by side, occupied by soley the driver. And it is miles and miles of poop brown or "desert tan" colored houses with the exact same dimensions and trimmings and the exact same annoying dwarf mongrel barking at you through the window. It is not hell to me anymore, it is what it is. A time warp, back to leave it to beaver, but with modern gadgets like a gps system and cell phone head set which may or may not be utilized moreso than the brain cells in a person's head.

It is here that is have rediscovered my affinity for myspace and technological entertainers such as this. For me, Fresno is sitting at my mom's high speed computer and listening to amazing new bands all day long on myspace and youtube and fantasizing about smoking weed upon my return to the Bay Area (shockingly, I have been in california for an entire week and still haven't smoked yet) . At the moment, the Seattle quintet, Fleet Foxes, whirls and turns in the background. The song is "He Didn't Know Why" and I can't deny that I have become a woman obsessed. The sound is benevolent, omniscient, and powerful. It is folk that swells and builds, as opposed to the the meagre yet satisfying simplicity of the starving-musician-armed-with-a-single-acoustic-against-the-cold-capitalistic-realities-of-the-world-type of folk. "He Didn't Know Why" is full of sound, an army, if you will, though it may still encite the urge to wander amongst the redwoods while cradeling some furry woodland creature in your hemp poncho. There are traces of the Byrds, Fleetwood Mac, and harmonic bliss of the Beach Boys hinted at in the track. Like the forest trail it would seem to have been conceived in, it winds into crevaces that you never expect it to, starting with the tightly interweaving harmonies of the Mamas and the Papas and flourishing into dramatic buildups that the late 60s LA scene could never fathom through thier patchouli scented haze. The melody's authenticity can be attributed to the rich voices guiding it, and it's simplicity is never sparse with J Tillman's galvanizing chant-like percussion effects. It is a bloody cut of steak for all the vegetarians out there, and for me, it has somehow managed to transport me to an Oakland redwood forest while I sit here in the concrete great plains of the San Joaquin valley sipping my parents white zin and watching the minivans cruise by.

Dribble

There is no reason why I should stay in one place. I wish for water and the fluid, or rather the fluidity of it, to be the outward reason for this restlessness, it's seeming inspiration and muse. Why can´t they understand it? I am not a rock. I am incapable of sinking to the bottom of the ocean and living forever. No. It may be a sad story, but it will still be a good one, all the same.

poem

“To Know Them”

Make me up with a thought
O, how I let him see so hazy
Once I leave he won’t remember
We never could remember anything, really
And still, I have that goddamn picture.
So now I can’t forget
So now I don’t see so hazy
“I know you,”
Was what I told him when he was sad.
But he wasn’t listening,
He was too embarrassed.
When I come back he’ll remember again
And he’ll be sad again
And I’ll probably know him again
But they punish you to know them.

PICTURES

flickr = http://www.flickr.com/photos/nedatakesontheworld/

i need to acquire the funds for more space for more pics but this should suffice for now.

there are more on my myspace.

http://www.myspace.com/nedizzle