Anaconda

I just had the strangest dream. As most of my nightmares begin, I was late for school and had an assignment due that day which had completely (and very inconveniently) escaped my mind. I was living in my father's old house, the epitome of childhood nostalgia to me, and was rifling through my books, which were sitting beneath the bedroom window, to figure out which class I had for that day, how I was going to get there, how long it would take me to ride there, etc. when I suddenly look up and, consequently, out of my second story abode onto our quaint back courtyard area. To my horror, I discover that not only does it appear that no one has set foot back there in ages (ivy vines and pools of collected rainfall had formed a swamp-like milieu behind our house) but there were at least twelve visible snakes of various sizes and colors inhabiting it. These snakes were right out of National Geographic, the biggest of them more likely to be right out of the 1997 blockbuster, Anaconda. They all possessed vivid hues, enabling them to look that much more scary, and were slithering and snaking around through the swamps and vines and broken brick pathways like they owned the joint. I screamed (obviously) and my father immediately came running up the stairs to my rescue.
"Dad... LOOK!" I yelped, pointing frantically at the window. He glanced out of the window in a very blasè manner, cool and collected, like he had somehow been aware of the snakes for some time.
"Well, what do you want me to do about it?" He joked, still gazing out the window as if it were overlooking green pastures and unicorns frolicking. He seemed to be under the notion that my asking him to do something about it was the most absurd thing in the world.
"We have to KILL them!!" I shot back, horrified at the idea of allowing them to permanently reside alongside me while I slept. At least he had my room as a buffer, but what security could I even fabricate? My drapes weren't even opaque.
"We'll do it later, I have to go to work now." And with that, he skipped off carelessly, followed by the sound of the door shutting effortlessly behind him. I knew what "later" meant, and decided that if he was going to brush this reptilian disaster off and simply go to work, I ought to do the same, because there was no way I was going to attempt to deal with the anaconda & co. myself.
I sneered at the big one, he looked like a cold blooded tiger with his saturated orange and jet black stripes. He had just ruined what would probably be the next two weeks of my life and then a residual six months in nightmares, at the very least. I envisioned myself armed with six foot bladed scissors, an anti venom suit, and some type of joint-covering kevlar body armor, hacking away at what had to be the now thirty snakes which had taken over our courtyard. And then there was him. I was scared to even imagine chopping him into two, the thrashing alone might level our house. He was massive...bastard. It was at this point that he spotted me shooting him the evil eye from my window. He lifted his head to face me dead on. With more than half his body still curled around the red brick courtyard and his head bobbing about my second story window about two feet away from my head, I could see that I had pissed off the wrong creature. His expression was so humanistic... it was also full of rage. How dare I enter his seeming "kingdom" and then have the audacity to sneer at him? Who the hell was I anyway? I felt myself slinking away from the window slowly. He followed me with his head, which at this point appeared to serve as a mere socket for the the glowing yellow balls of evil, or eyeballs, which may as well have been shooting lasers at me. "BINK," then a rattle. The glass pane had obstructed him from bobbing any closer to me. I ran into my father's room, reasoning that if I could only get out of the house unnoticed he might forget about me for a little while until I could call a...an anaconda exterminator?! What was I thinking?! Where do you even find these people?! This thing was out to get me and the only thing that was taking formation in my scared and witless little head was to get Steve Erwin at my house pronto, an obvious impossibility, seeing that he's dead! Why can't this type of thing be like Buffy the Vampire Slayer, where as soon as one slayer dies, another is born immediately so that the world is always in possession of at least one person to combat evil. I had nowhere to hide, I was a prisoner in my own house with a giant snake preying on me. I decided to hide on the other side of the giant television adjacent to the wall with the window so that he couldn't see me. I could see the reflection of the window on the mirror mounted to the opposing wall of the bedroom. The tiny window loomed orange. At least there was glass to barricade me in, and just as I decided to let myself take a certain comfort in that fact, I heard the glass shatter. My heart sank. Just as I was frantically pondering how I was going to escape my father's bedroom without being seen by the anaconda, who, for some reason had not already completely invaded the house with his bulbous scaly torso, I woke up.